Heirloom Advice for New Parents

Here at dadada Baby, we’re big fans of stories that span generations. 

Our cribs are built to become heirlooms passed down to kids and grandkids because we believe there’s something beautiful, sustainable, and formative in the connection between one generation and the next.

And though parenting styles may change, and though we’re always learning and trying to do better, we also believe there’s deep value in parenting advice and wisdom passed from one generation to the next. It’s an incredible gift to have trusted, seasoned parents who have walked through the first few moments, few weeks, and few years before you offer wisdom and lessons from their experience. Every baby and family is different, but when it comes to the steep learning curve of the first year of parenthood, it helps so much to know you’re not alone.

So for the new parents in our community, here is some sage advice from experienced parents and grandparents on our staff. Take what you need, leave what you don’t, and please pass along your own wisdom to the new parents who come next! 

Ask for help

We live in an increasingly independent culture, and it can feel awkward to ask for help when you need it. But the old adage “it takes a village” is a cliche for a reason - it’s true. Especially in those first few precious weeks with your little one (but honestly, for the rest of your parenthood, too) don’t hesitate to ask for help, and to say yes when it’s offered. Let your sister organize that Meal Train. Don’t stop your father-in-law when he starts cleaning the kitchen. Remember that friends and family are usually itching for a way to support your new family - when they ask what you need, don’t hesitate to tell them. 

Let yourself rest

We know “sleep when the baby is sleeping” isn’t always possible (and is sometimes even laughable), but rest is an essential survival necessity for early parenthood. You can only care for baby as well as you are caring for yourself. This is the time to give yourself permission to outsource a chore or two and nap when you can. The pressure to do it all is REALLY strong and loud, so your commitment to allowing yourself to take a break, take a bath, take a walk, and take care of YOU has to be just as strong. Advocating for yourself is good for both you and baby - you’ll both benefit from your renewed energy and clear mind. 

New parent brain is no joke

Speaking of a clear mind, those jokes you’ve heard about “mommy brain” aren’t really jokes at all - the new parent brain fog is real. Lack of sleep plus a wild cocktail of hormones (for ALL parents, not just the birthing ones) make for a pretty mushy brain soup. Leave yourself some notes. Feed yourself well and get sleep when you can. Pack essential items into the diaper bag before you’re rushing out the door. Take little steps when you can to set yourself up to succeed, and when you DO forget diapers, or coffee dates, or to change your shirt, don’t stress it - that’s what community and compassion are for. 

Curate the advice you take

Carrying around a pregnant belly or a new baby is like becoming a beacon for unsolicited advice. You’re going to get all kinds of comments, input, and helpful suggestions hurled your way. Some will be genuinely helpful, and some will… not. Remember that even though you don’t know everything, you know you better than anybody. And you know your baby better than anybody. Use those two truths to discern what advice to take, and what advice to dismiss. What works for your family might not work for every family, but as long as everyone is safe and fed, there’s a LOT of wiggle room within the “right” way to do things. Take the advice you need and ignore what doesn’t suit you.

Give yourself a little grace

During the first few months of parenthood, we all learn pretty fast that almost nothing is going to go the way we planned it. Learning how little you can actually control is one of parenthoods hardest, fastest, and earliest lessons, and it stings. Take it from us - you’re doing so much better than you think you are. Don’t be too hard on yourself. The breastfeeding struggles, the colic, the out-of-whack nap schedule, the abandoned birth plan, the messy house, the newborn clothes that never fit, the baby throw-up literally everywhere - all of these things will become small, sometimes even funny, parts of a great big story about love. Be kind to yourself. It’s a lot, this parenting thing. For everyone. All of the time. Welcome.

Hey new grandparents - we didn’t forget about you! Congrats on your first grandbaby! Here are a few bits of advice from one of our favorite grandmas:

So exciting having a new grandbaby in your life! Just remember - when you go to visit the new family to help, actually help. Do the laundry, clean the house, make some meals. Ask what the new parents NEED, and when they tell you, do it.

It’s going to be hard not to spend the whole time you’re visiting just doting on your new grandbaby. Believe me, I know! Here’s the secret: wait for the new parents to take a nap. That’s when you’ll get the most magical one-on-one time with your grandchild.

Being a grandparent is the BEST! It also comes with its own challenges. Your kids might choose to parent differently than you did, which can feel personal. You might disagree. Remember that you got to make the decisions when they were small, and now it’s their turn. Abide by their rules. Offer help when it’s needed. And whenever you’re in doubt, just focus on loving and celebrating them all as much as you can.  

Experienced parents - what’s your best advice for new parents and grandparents? We’d love to hear and share it. Use the #dadadababyadvice to share your bits of parenting wisdom with our community!

Wishing you all a help-filled, restful, and celebratory first few months of parenting!